The Kitchen Aid Mixer

Yesterday I was baking some yummy treats that were going to be sold at today’s Farmer’s Market that my husband is vending at. As I was putting various items in the mixer, I thought of my papa…

Years ago before the kitchen aid was just starting to come out, and before it became the it thing that everyone had to have in their kitchens, my papa bought one for himself. He was a baker, a cook, a retired chief steward, a surrogate dad. He had all sorts of random sized mixing bowls and at home I always say him working with his hands. I had no idea why he would want an itty bitty mixer for. He only used it once before he died and it sat in the kitchen collecting dust. My nana didn’t bake, no one else in the house really did. After my papa died and I was preparing to leave far from home, my soon to be husband who did bake and cook thought having my papa’s mixer would be a great thing to have. At first my nana wanted to give it to someone else, but we convinced her that it would be put to good use and be very helpful for us, and she relented and let us take it. I am glad she did.

In the years that passed, I began learning how to bake and between my husband and I, we have made lots of yummy treats with the help of that little mixer. I wonder what my papa would think of me now. I never saw myself baking, and in my girl scout days I made a less than thrilling apple pie that my papa surely did not approve of. But I am improving slowly. Whenever I am in the kitchen and that little kitchen aid is whirring away I am reminded of my papa happily and busily creating in the kitchen…If only he had left some recipes behind…

New Year, New to Me Bird Sighting…

My first post 17 days into the new year. It’s funny how the first few weeks of the new year I have to constantly remind myself to write the new year and not the old, and so I have to remind myself to write 2014 on everything that I date or else I am still stuck in 2013.

A while ago I noticed a bird climbing around a street tree right near our front yard. It was black and white and had red on the top of his head, but in a moment or two I realized it wasn’t a downy woodpecker. He disappeared for a moment, then I saw his side profile. He had a red throat and a yellowish hue on his front. I couldn’t recall ever having seen this bird before, and I didn’t have a clue what it might be. I ran inside the house and zoomed in on a field guide and finally I knew his name- a Yellow Bellied Sapsucker. Here where I now live, this bird is a winter migrant. Now, I have lived here for a good 6 years and I still couldn’t remember if I had ever seen him before. Maybe I have and never realized it. If that’s the case, I may have gone on thinking it was just a downy, but for some reason this recent encounter made me discover who it really was. I just love the name-Sapsucker. Kinda cool. Anyway, it was exciting for me. Though, oddly, I have not seen a single Dark Eyed Junco, but a lot of folks I know have had them come to their feeders. I miss seeing them around.

In other bird related news, I might have my chance to go birding down in Alabama in the spring and possibly, hopefully, add some new birds to my list. A friend of mine that I have known since middle school is having her first baby in the summer and I am crossing my fingers that all will work out for me to go visit her just before her baby is born, catch up, and check out the surroundings and do a bit of hiking and bird watching.

Birds always make me so happy…

Feeder Birds! Runway of feathers and song…

This just in:

A blue jay noisily announces he has come to dine

scatter!

english sparrows in a blur of brown

do not want to be around

when the jay approaches, he is so obnoxious…

a chickadee and another

take a bite of suet and seed

and retreat

to the nearest tree

to announce their new found treasure

the titmouse arrived once

but has yet to return

and a red bellied woodpecker checks things out

from the safety of the maple tree

and then there are the mourning doves

and yes the rock pigeons lumber in a few numbers atop the platform feeder…

will it break, I wonder?

wouldn’t that be funny…

surprised that I haven’t seen many squirrels…

just another day of feeder watching

the blur of feathers and song

year round…

Just Thoughts

the house is quiet, the kids are asleep, the husband is out, time to whip out the blank sheet of paper and unleash the thoughts within…

Sometimes if I don’t carve out moments like this, I feel overwhelmed. I feel I am playing an endless game of dodge ball, (I was never good at that game), and life just keeps pummeling me with one thing after another. Sometimes if I don’t pause for a moment and write I can’t handle all the goings on around me. I need writing. It is the embrace I need when I am having a tough day, week, or month. When I can’t seem to figure out what I am supposed to be doing or where I am supposed to be going, or when things are coming at me or going to fast, it’s there. I need to write. Writing is me, it’s the one sure thing I know about who I am. Even when I don’t have anything important to say, or even when I don’t make sense, it gets me.

Feeling Finally Like Fall

Bitter rain,
falling,
leaves in matted puddles
on the ground…

Halloween decorations on houses here and there,
school is in session,
days
are getting shorter,
I crave hot chocolate,
a snuggle
under a blanket,
the welcoming quiet,
to sit here, just be, write…

Letting the worries fall
falling like in
the bitter rain
gathered in mattered puddles
on the ground…

Saying goodbye to the long, hot, grueling, days,
welcoming the
slow down
of fall
and winter…

I look out to the feeder

soon winter migrants
will mingle with year rounds.
chatty hues of browns, reds,
blacks, and muffled yellows.
they will keep me company in
the still months ahead…

as I sit here, just be, write…

It’s finally

feeling

like

Fall…

Being Inspired…

Here I am after another chunk of blog writing inactivity. Luckily today, a book my daughter brought him from the school library today jump started my creativity and my urge to put fingers to the keys, pen to paper, something was inspired to be written.

There has been a great deal of chaos, craziness, stress and drama of late. Our little home baking business is expanding and growing, our financial responsibilities for and to the business have also grown, and there is much that is still unknown, much that is still like falling off a cliff and hoping you land on something soft at the bottom, or that someone catches you midair. There is a lot of hoping and praying that everything works out and that the risks are well worth it. Right now since we are giving out more than taking in, we are holding our breath waiting for that reprieve so that we know it will all be ok.

But along the lines of being inspired, I do have to say that there have been times when I have been in awe at the signs that exist around me, or how something random can create an imaginative spark and somehow you find yourself frantically capturing the electrifying dance not knowing fully how, or what will come out of it, or why, but you capture it anyway. Give it meaning. Make it real.

School’s in Session

My two kids attend the elementary charter school in our area. My daughter began her 1rst grade journey, and my son his Kindergarten journey, there, on Monday. Last year when my son was in pre-k at another school, I’d pick him up before his sister’s school day ended and we’d take a nature walk around the neighborhood or trails surrounding the school.

Yesterday was the first day that I arrived at school early to pick them up, for the sole purpose of taking my first solo walk without my companion. First I went down our favorite trail. It was more overgrown then in the spring when we last took our walk together. I enjoyed the shade as it is still August and still hot in the afternoon. I walked down the cobbled path with my tablet’s camera aimed to record this occasion, me and memories and the bird songs that followed me. I came toward the area with the large man made pond and walked across the wooden bridge toward the loop that would bring me back where I had started. I paused at the nooks where my boy liked to stop and rest. I paused at the places where we heard and saw the most birds. I paused to peer down at the rocks that months before had turtles basking on them. Other than the sounds of barking dogs walking protectively with their owners, and the hear and there sounds of people chit chatting, besides the bird songs, their wing melodies, the rustling of leaves, I walked in silence.

It was a nice moving meditation. It was a nice change. I will miss the one on one with the boy, birdwatching, sight seeing, walking, but he is in Kindergarten now, in the same school as his big sister, and I have been given the gift of more me time, time that was so precious and few not so long ago. A lot of things I’ve put off and have longed to do again is possible once more. There will be times to walk with them and enjoy the beauty of our surroundings, but for now, they are growing up, beginning to do and be more, and whether I am ready or not, I will have more and more time to try and use as wisely and efficiently as I can. I will have time to recharge, to write, to walk, to meditate. I will have time to be still, to rediscover my center, my peace…

Early Morning Thoughts and Meditation

Sunday morning

peaceful, birds welcoming

the new day,

their songs soothing

and melodic, energizes and inspires me…

I am still

but not

for long,

all this, as I look and

hear around,

are the beginning lyrics to

today’s song…

I am still

for now,

this is my long overdue

morning meditation,

I toss away anxieties

fears

doubts

knowing all things work out,

their own time,

their own way,

without me…

just be

patient,

just be

still,

just be

open and aware,

just

be…

The Gifts of Silence and Solitude

Since last night at 9:30 PM and until tomorrow afternoon, I have been blissfully embraced by silence and solitude. My husband who is a part of the S.C.A. (society for creative anachronism), which is a group that focuses on everything and anything medieval, is off to an event that I almost got to attend with him, in western PA for a whole week.  Wow that was a long sentence…anyway… So after helping him load all his stuff into a friends very small jeep that was already filled to the gills with her things, and battling mosquitoes, they were off to drive 7 hrs through the night. Our kids were surprised by a friend of ours who took them for the weekend, and thus giving me a break.

Which brings me to this moment. I am engulfed in silence, save for the cats running through the house, or the washer and dryer doing their routines. I have the house to myself until tomorrow afternoon. I can go anywhere, do anything, eat whatever and whenever. I can have treats and desserts all to myself. I can go to bed early because there are no kids to do the whole bedtime routine of bath, brushing teeth, story and bedtime, and the kids staying up and fighting with each other for hours after…I can do nothing, I can nap! I can write! I can write! Wow, just thinking about writing this now, how I can take my time, how I can actually think, how I can have a moment to just be and not have voices screaming through my head. I don’t have moments like this often, and the rare snippets of time when the opportunity presents itself to me is….breathtaking, magical, wonderful, energizing, fleeting, awesome…

Though, as much as I enjoyed these gifts of silence and solitude, I do miss the kids, their noise and their abundant energy. Having this time to myself has reminded me that I need to reclaim a balance of chaos and calm. I’ve had too much chaos lately and not enough time to recover. I need moments to be still, find my center, find peace.

Signs are Everywhere(Some things are weighing heavy on my mind)…

It’s been an emotional couple of weeks for me. Thinking about my dad, the scars his absence left behind, the questions that remain unanswered…Then, in church this past Sunday, the theme was about spiritual experiences that brought you closer to God, that made you aware of his presence, and that made you come to terms with your humanity, your shortcomings, your struggles and how you use your experiences to aid others along their journey. The rock was the symbol of the day. We were instructed to reflect on who and what influenced our faith, mainly the good, but I had a lot of trying moments along my faith journey. God though, in the end, always brought me back….I thought about growing up as a Catholic, and my nana bringing me to church each Sunday. I always thought it was boring, and I took for granted being there.  I took for granted the special places we’d go after church, for brunch and where we’d go to get fresh bread for the Sunday family dinner later.

One day when I was in college and my nana was not well enough to attend church anymore, I went solo, because it made her happy to see me continue to go to church. The pastor was speaking of how being gay was wrong, how we needed to help them, how we needed them to see that God was unhappy with them. I had a lesbian friend, and I believe that if I didn’t at that time I still would’ve felt what the priest said was wrong. But in that moment I became very sad. I wanted to continue the church tradition for my nana, but I felt I’d be a hypocrite if I still attended church, and I couldn’t continue listening to someone who was speaking I’ll against my friend. I made the tough decision to tell my nana that I simply couldn’t live with myself if I continued to go to church, with my personal beliefs conflicting with the church. She was distraught and disappointed, but in the end she told me I had to do what I needed to do.

I thought that was it for church for me. Before I graduated college a professor introduced me to Taoism, and my church became the beach I would go to in the early mornings to meditate. I prayed there, sought guidance and wisdom there, and it was my special place to be with God and nature. Then a few years later, I met my husband who was a practicing Methodist. He wanted to continue going to church and eventually wanted to get our children into the church as well. At first I hesitated, but he assured me their views we a bit different than the Catholic views, and they were more tolerant.

I stepped back into church for the first time, 7 years ago, and though we haven’t attended church as regularly as we would have liked in those past 7 years, we’ve gone often enough and continue to go often enough, that we are starting to find some nice folks, make some friends, and our children have gotten to k ow other children there. Lots of folks know our children names. God has continued to keep me on a good spiritual path, despite my trials and whatever is going on in my world, he always draws me to him, shows me the things I need to see, and guides me to where I need to go.

This Sunday we were given rocks and were invited to put them somewhere in church that holds special meaning for us. I put mine in the pew because sitting there with my nana each week, was special. She was special. She introduced me to birds, and she introduced me to God. When I was with her, near her, I was safe and I was loved. I took that fir granted then, but now I know how great I had it. And now, no matter what struggles I face God and my nana remind me that I am not forgotten, that I am still loved and they are listening to me.